


ready to call this love

by minttobe_treehill



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (kinda???), Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21536560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttobe_treehill/pseuds/minttobe_treehill
Summary: Buck discovers Eddie’s been street fighting. Buck gets hurt during a call. They just can’t lose each other.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 43
Kudos: 389





	1. you can see sparks with the light on

**Author's Note:**

> They just own my heart, I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> Title by Mika and Jack Savoretti's song.

It’s been two weeks since Buck returned to the 118 and things are back to normal. Except, they’re not. Eddie feels like something’s changed between them. Buck is usually earlier than Eddie at the station first thing in the morning, and every single time they see each other there’s a hand in the shoulder, a brush of arms, even sometimes a hug if they haven’t seen each other in the last twenty-four hours. It’s a good feeling. They’ve always been touchy with each other, but never like this, not to the point it almost feels like there’s sparks where Buck’s body ends and Eddie’s begins. 

Right, _feelings._ Eddie’s been having a lot of those for the past few months, but these last weeks it’s almost been like all Eddie can do is feel and feel and _feel_. And he’s afraid he’s being too obvious, he can even feel Hen, Chim and Bobby’s eyes on them when they’re together. Lena is the worst of them all, though. Five days ago, they were all having lunch at the station and Eddie was sitting between Buck and Lena. Buck was talking on the phone with Maddie, who was checking in on him since they hadn’t seen each other in a couple of days. Eddie was full, he was already regretting eating too much, so he offered his last meatball to whoever wanted it. Buck, still on the phone, bumped his arm with his shoulder and mouthed “I want it” to him. Eddie smiled and pointed at his plate, offering it to Buck and for whatever reason, Buck decided it was a good idea for Eddie to feed him - or so Eddie understood. He did, he fed him the whole meatball right before Buck winked at him and touched Eddie’s shoulder with his hand. Platonic, absolutely. What definitely wasn’t platonic was blushing at that. Lena saw the whole thing and decided to not so gently slap him twice on his back, smiling from ear to ear. It’s a habit now anytime Lena is around them and Eddie does something embarrassing in front of Buck. _Ugh._

It was almost losing him, Eddie tells himself. _Twice_. As if seeing him under that truck hadn’t been enough. The lawsuit almost costed them their friendship, that’s why Eddie was so mad at Buck for a few days. And once that was resolved, he couldn’t stay away from Buck any longer, and at times he almost feels like Buck can’t either. 

He feels a couple of hands on his shoulders and a face pressed against his neck, “Earth calling to Eddie”

He startles and sees Buck next to him. Eddie’s been sitting by the lockers for… What? Twenty minutes? Completely lost in his own thoughts. And oh well, look who’s here now. 

“Fuck, you scared me”, he says, trying to calm his beating heart - from the scare, absolutely, yeah, the scare. 

He looks up at Buck, who’s opening his locker and unbuttoning his uniform. _Okay_. 

“You good?”, he asks, focusing on his buttons, not looking down at Eddie.

Eddie looks up again, feeling funny, “don’t I look good?” he asks him, almost daring him, smiling devilishly at him.

Buck looks back at him, hands still on his buttons, and it’s almost as his eyes look different when they’re on him. He smiles, presses his lips together, still staring right into Eddie’s eyes, takes him from head to toe - even though Eddie is still sitting down - and smiles even bigger, “you look great, actually”.

Eddie blushes and chuckles. He likes this feeling - he loves it, but before he can say anything back to him, he feels a couple of slaps on his shoulder. _Lena_. Unfortunately, she unconsciously hits a bruised spot on his arm and Eddie can’t help the sound that comes from his mouth and the way his right hand comes up to his left shoulder, hissing.

“Oh damn sorry, Eddie”, Lena says, turning to him and looking worried, “they got you good yesterday, huh?”

“What?”

Both Eddie and Lena look at Buck. Fuck, he didn’t know about the street fighting situation and this is definitely the worst way to find out.

“Eddie, what happened?”, Buck asks, startled, completely turned to Eddie this time, looking like he’s about to scream, wide eyes and tightened jaw.

“Uh… Nothing, nothing happened”. He should explain it to him, it’s Buck we’re talking about. Hell, he should’ve told him weeks ago, and the truth is he’s been trying to quit the fight club but it’s always a good thing to let go of the pressure and tension he’s constantly feeling.

“Eddie”

He looks up at Buck and realizes he’s never seen him like this.

“He’s in a fight club”, Lena says. “I introduced him to it”

“A fight club?! Are you insane?! What the hell is wrong with you two?”. Buck looks angry, so angry is almost scary. 

Eddie gets up and tries to touch Buck’s arm to calm him down, “hey, it’s not—”

“Woah dude, relax. What are you, his boyfriend? ‘Cause last time I checked you were just his friend”

“ _Lena!_ ”, Eddie says looking at her, almost wishing he hadn’t heard those words.

He sees it all happen in slow motion, the way Buck’s face completely changes from mad to hurt, and Eddie would find hope in that gesture if it wasn’t so scared of losing Buck because of his and Lena’s stupidity. 

He tries to grab Buck’s arm, “I should’ve told you, I’m s—”

“It’s okay”, he says, taking his arm away from Eddie’s touch, which only increases the tension between them, makes Eddie feel wrong, like this time he’s really screwed up. 

Right in that moment, the alarm goes off and it startles the three of them. Buck walks right past Eddie without looking at him and Eddie feels like crying, or screaming, or punching a locker - or a magical way to make them be okay again. He looks up at Lena, who’s already looking at him with crossed arms, biting his bottom lip, “Eddie, I’m sorry”.

He shrugs, “we need to go, come on”.

-*-

The ride in the truck isn’t exactly comfortable. Buck doesn’t talk to Eddie for the whole ride, doesn’t even look at him and Eddie can’t take his eyes off of him, he even feels Hen looking back at Chim trying to understand what’s happening, to what Chim just shrugs. Eddie can even hear her whispering to Bobby something along the way of, “what’s up with the lovebirds?”, but he decides to let it go for now. 

The call doesn’t seem like a hard one. Some stupid kid was smoking in his dorm and apparently set fire to the curtains, the alarm of the whole building went off and it seems to be spreading, but everyone is already being evacuated when they get there and the fire isn’t too strong yet. But things start going bad so quickly.

“Eddie, Buck, take care of the back of the building, okay?”, Bobby orders them right before they all go to the building.

Eddie looks at Buck, who isn’t even looking back at him. He sighs and tries to concentrate on the job.

They both run to the back and check the situation for a few seconds, trying to make sure people are safe and no one is stuck in the building, when they hear a loud scream coming from the top. They look up and see a girl stuck on the rooftop.

They look at each other, “I’ll get the ladder, wait up”, Eddie says. When he turns around, Buck is already running towards the back door. “Buck! What the hell, Buck!”. His first instinct is to go running after him, terrified of even thinking Buck can get hurt, and he’s about to when Chim stops him, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Buck! He’s stupid and he’s inside because there’s a girl on the rooftop and he’s always trying to play the fucking hero, Chim, let me go!”

By the time Chim and Eddie are done with the argument, Buck is almost limping with a girl holding on to him, both getting out of the back door. They don’t even have time to reach Eddie and Chim when Eddie is already holding onto Buck and Chim is grabbing the girl to see if she needs medical attention.

“Buck, are you okay?”, Eddie asks, putting his hands on both sides of his neck, looking for an answer in his eyes. That’s when he feels Buck’s left hand pressing against his shoulder, realizing there’s some blood there. Eddie panics, grabs him even closer to his body and helps him walk towards the firetruck.

“I’m taking you to the hospital”, Eddie says, checking the team is almost done with the fire. 

“Eddie, I’m—”

He looks back at him, grabs his face and stares at him with decision, a stern gesture on his face, “I said I’m taking you to the hospital”.

He can hear his own heartbeat when he sees Buck swallowing, unable to look away from him and just nodding with an unreadable expression on his face.

-*-

“Thank you, Carla, we’ll be home soon, okay?”

Eddie hangs up the phone after thanking Carla one more time for taking care of Christopher while he’s still in the hospital with Buck. He doesn’t realize the weight of his own words until he looks up and sees Buck staring right at him with a soft expression on his face, but no smile, he hasn’t seen him smile in a couple of hours, even more than that. _We. Home._ It makes sense in Eddie’s head. He squirms in place, resting his back on the opposite wall, crossing his arms. 

“You don’t have to stay, you know?”, Buck tells him, still staring him, sitting on the hospital bed, shirtless, with his right shoulder patched up. 

It was just a scratch, but because of the blood thinners, the blood was everywhere and Eddie couldn’t risk it. He’s gonna be okay, he can already move his shoulder and the wound isn’t too big. A few days being careful and some bandage changes and he’ll be as good as new - or so did the doctor said before leaving the room and telling Buck he could leave anytime soon. Eddie decided on staying a few more minutes just in case.

“You heard me, you’re going to my place”. He wants to say _home_ again, but fights the urge. “I don’t care if you’re gonna fight me on it or if you’re still mad at me, it’s non-negotiable”. 

Buck sighs, still looking at him. “I just don’t understand why you’re being so stupid and you didn’t even tell me about it”

Eddie presses his lips together, untangling his arms and putting them behind him, sweaty palms feeling the cold wall. He looks at the floor, not even able to stand Buck’s eyes on him for much longer, the intensity behind the stare, the way it almost feels like Buck is hurting because of him and not the wounded shoulder. “I didn’t tell you because I know it’s stupid”

“But I wanna know what’s going on with you, Eddie, I thought we were t—”. _Together?_ That makes Eddie look up at him again, “Best friends”, Buck says instead, rubbing his shoulder gently and looking away.

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d worry”, he simply says.

“Like you’re worried about me right now?”, Buck asks, looking back at him.

Eddie smiles. He has a point. “I just… Ugh, I don’t know”

“Hey”, Buck says, “what’s wrong?”. And it’s how earnest he sounds, how honestly worried and involved he sounds what ultimately makes Eddie be honest for what feels like a lifetime.

“Sometimes it gets to me, the pressure of being a single dad and working so many hours. I love Christopher and I love spending time with him, but I also love my job and sometimes it’s so hard to be able to be great at both, to be an excellent father and an excellent firefighter. And to also be a great friend, a great co-worker, a kind member of my family, I just… Sometimes I’m scared I’m not being my best self to me and to others”

He had been looking at the floor this whole time, not being able to look at Buck while saying those words, also knowing he wants to say, _I’m scared I’m falling in love with you and you don’t feel the same, but I’m also terrified you do and we don’t know how to make this work, or it scares to you too much to even be close to me_. Instead, he just adds, “and I couldn’t talk to you for what felt like ages, and now I can and you decide to be stupid and not take good care of yourself and I… I just can’t, Buck”

He looks up and the room starts spinning when he sees the way Buck is looking at him, with almost tears in his eyes, like he also can’t contain the emotion Eddie himself is feeling in his chest. “Hey, come here”, Buck says in a whisper, holding out his non-injured arm to Eddie, almost already touching him by the mere meter that is between them. 

Eddie takes a few steps closer and takes Buck’s hand, sitting next to him on the bed, not letting go of him just yet and feeling the contact there, fingertips pressing against his palm, making him feel safe even if they’re barely touching. He bites his bottom lip, trying to stay calm, and looks at Buck, searching his eyes, and for the first time he can swear Buck is nervous, agitated, maybe even a bit insecure, he can see it in his eyes and the way his body flexes, almost as if Eddie could feel him trembling next to him. 

Buck clears his throat, “I’m not… I’m—”, he laughs nervously before continuing, “Ugh, okay, Eddie, listen”, and finally he’s looking directly at him, staring right into Eddie’s eyes, “You’re an incredible father, you just have to look at Christopher and realize how happy he is, how happy you make him”, Buck holds his hand even tighter and it feels like Eddie is gonna dissolve into tiny pieces any time soon, “and you know how great you are at your job, I don’t have to tell you, but hell I’ll say it if you need to, because you are amazing at it”. 

Eddie smiles, even a tiny chuckle escapes his mouth, he just can’t help it standing so close to the man who has managed to rock his entire world. Buck’s eyes are misty when he speaks again, “you’re just the greatest person I’ve met my whole life and I wish you could see that”

And for the first time in months, for the first time since he’s met Buck, he truly sees it, he sees there’s not only a chance, not only hope, but the truth, a truth that’s probably been staring at him for quite some time now, and it’s all there, in the way Buck looks at him and holds his hand, in the way that even a hospital bed seems to be the safest place in the entire world right now, with a pair of blue eyes looking at him and not letting him run away from the rawest and most real feeling he’s felt from what feels like years.

“Fuck”, Eddie whispers, almost not wanting to but not being able to keep it to himself. He looks down at Buck’s lips, biting his own, and looks up at his eyes again, desperately asking for permission, for a sign that tells him he’s not wrong even if deep down he knows he can’t make up the way Buck seems to be holding on to him. And then he sees it, the faint smile on Buck’s lips, telling him _just please do it_. So he does it, he closes the distance between them, opening up his lips and pressing them against Buck’s, holding his bottom lip in between his, leaving a quick but intense kiss before pressing his forehead against Buck’s, still feeling his fingers pressing against his palm. 

He feels Buck’s breath on his face, almost like letting go of a sigh that’s been waiting to be released for quite some time now. Eddie lunges forward again, not being able to stay away from Buck anymore and kisses him with more intensity now, holding him in place, placing the hand that’s not touching him on his neck, needy for more contact. Eddie feels warm inside, almost like he’s gonna burst into flames with Buck touching him. He turns his head to the side, feeling Buck’s lips working against his, trying to kiss him even more deeply, trying to look for the right way to make him understand all the things he’s feeling. Eddie feels like he can’t stop, so into the kiss he forgets about Buck’s injury and moves the hand placed on his neck a few inches closer to the bandage, pressing into his skin and making Buck groan into the kiss.

“Oh, sorry, hey, sorry, sorry”, Eddie apologizes, moving his hand and resting it on Buck’s thigh. Buck chuckles, not getting away from him.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it”, he says with honesty written all over his face, squeezing Eddie’s hand.

The moment’s not passed, but Eddie is aware they need to get out of the hospital and he wants for them to get to his place, get _home,_ as soon as possible. Buck needs to rest and he doesn’t want for Carla to have to stay there for more time than needed. Plus, he misses Chris, it’s been an intense day.

“Hey, if you’re feeling okay, we should get to my place, yeah?”, Eddie asks him, not raising his voice, afraid of killing the moment himself, still staring intensely at Buck’s eyes, barely centimeters away from him. 

“Yeah, let’s do that”, Buck says, smiling and looking at their intertwined hands. 

-*-

The ride home is full of electricity coming from both their bodies, or so Eddie feels like. Somehow, he manages not to touch Buck for the whole ride, just stealing glances anytime they stop at a traffic light and they smile at each other like teenagers. They even manage to make some small talk and Bucks tells him he’s just sent a quick text to Bobby, who texted him an hour ago asking him how he was.

Eddie parks outside his place and they both get out of the car. He struggles with the keys, feeling Buck’s presence right behind him, which only makes Buck laugh when he catches on. 

The moment they enter the house, Christopher is running towards them, “Dad, Buck!”, trying to hug both of them by the legs with a smile so big on his face it almost makes the glasses fall off his head. 

“Hey buddy, I’ve missed you”, Buck says, even if they’ve seen each other a couple of days ago. That’s always endearing, the way they clearly seem to miss each other when they’re apart. Eddie smiles at them and almost blushes when he realizes the way Carla is staring at them from the kitchen door.

“Carla, hey, thank you so much for this”, Eddie says, approaching her and taking her hands on his.

“Oh, please, honey, you know it’s always a pleasure. I tried to put him to bed but he wanted to wait for you, and he got a bit too excited when I told him Buck might be coming with you”

Eddie can’t help but smile at that. “Don’t worry, I know how he is. You can go home now, we’ve got it all covered, thank you so much, again”

Carla smiles at him and asks Buck how he’s feeling, to what Buck almost doesn’t even answer, being bombarded by Chris and the latest drawings he hadn’t been able to show him.

They all say goodbye to Carla and Eddie spends what feels like hours resting his body against the doorframe of the living room, with his arms crossed on his chest, just staring at Buck and Christopher laughing and talking like best friends, unaware of the way he looks like he’s already so in love with the sight in front of him. 

-*-

Eddie lends Buck a shirt and some sweatpants so he can be comfortable, after checking he’s indeed sleeping there. He swears he sees him blushing, but decides to let it go and take it as a yes. 

Christopher has already eaten but doesn’t want to go to bed just yet, so Eddie decides him and Buck are having some dinner while they all watching some tv until they’re done and Chris has to go to bed. These are the moments that make Eddie feel he’s the luckiest person in the entire world, sharing a home with his two favourite persons, looking at them having fun and laughing and smiling constantly, telling each other about their days and promising Christopher the three of them will go to the zoo very soon. 

Buck insists on taking the plates and glasses to the kitchen even if Eddie refuses to have him make anything on his state, but Buck gently grabs his wrist, staring right into his eyes, “I got it”, and Eddie can’t say no, he physically can’t. So Buck gets up, picks up the crockery, trips on a Lego and falls down managing not to spill anything or break a plate. The scene would’ve instantly been comical if Buck hadn’t been bleeding a few hours ago.

“Buck, are you okay?”, Eddie asks, almost panicking, grabbing the plates and glasses from his hands while Chris puts a hand on his head, also looking worried. Buck starts laughing, obviously, which only makes the kid laugh as well. And there’s Eddie, hands full, crouching down on the floor, telling himself it’s too soon to feel like he wants Buck to move in with them, ask him to marry him and for him to take care of Chris like he was also a parent to him. 

Buck gets up, taking Eddie’s hand and checks his bandage is still in place, which thankfully it is. “This is exactly why you’re not allowed to do anything”, Eddie says, looking at him with a stern face but so much love and care and also worry in his voice. Buck brushes the comment off, but Christopher seems to also have something to say, “I’m the kid here, Buck, dad is not supposed to also have to take care of you”

Eddie can’t stop the sudden burst of laughter that takes control of him, which only makes Chris prouder of his joke. Buck fakes being angry at the kid, takes him under his (good) arm and starts walking towards his room, “seems like it’s bedtime, little trouble maker!” he shouts, only making Chris laugh even louder. 

Eddie walks behind them, ready to help the kid get into with Buck next to him, which makes him melt right in the spot, almost not being able to believe this is happening, the man he loves is right here, telling his son a story so he can peacefully fall asleep. And so he does, Buck manages to make him fall asleep in minutes, promising he’ll be there in the morning to have breakfast with him and Eddie. 

Both men leave the bedroom, leaving the door almost closed behind them. They look at each other, standing in the middle of the hallway and Eddie wants to kiss him again, but doesn’t know the rules. Instead, he decides to busy himself with the hem of his own t-shirt, “I’ll go sleep on the sofa, you take my bed, okay?”

Buck frowns, “no, I’m the one sleeping on the sofa, Eddie, there’s no way”. _You can sleep in my bed with me_ , Eddie thinks, but knows it’s too soon and definitely not the right time for it. 

“Why do you have to be so stubborn, Buckley?”, he teases, leaning into the wall, checking him up and down, wishing tonight could last forever.

Buck chuckles and this time he’s sure he blushes, which only makes Eddie’s chest grow tighter. At this rate, he’s gonna forget how to breathe in no time. It’s even worse when Buck closes the distance between them even more, almost pressing his whole body against Eddie, with his back pressed against the wall; he lowers his head, whispering into Eddie’s ear, “I’m taking the sofa, goodnight Diaz” and brushes his nose against his ear, disappearing into the living room a few seconds after, not before turning around and giving Eddie one last grin, seeing the state he has left him in.

Eddie feels hot all over and tries to swallow, finding his own voice, and whispers to himself, “don’t call me Diaz” before going to bed and trying not to think Evan Buckley, the man he just kissed for the first time today and also someone who has managed to make him remember what true happiness feels like, is sleeping a few steps away from him. 

-*-

Eddie wakes up earlier than usual for a day where he doesn’t have work and Christopher doesn’t have school, but he feels his body trembling the moment he remembers what happened yesterday, so there’s no way he’s staying in bed a second longer. 

He goes to Christopher’s room first, trying not to wake him up, when he realizes he’s already awake, lying in bed, reading a book. “What are you doing up, buddy?”, to what the kid just shrugs and smiles at his dad. “Okay you, I’m gonna go make breakfast for Buck and us if you wanna join me, but we have to be extra quiet since Buck is probably still asleep on the sofa, alright?”. And the smile he sees on Christopher tells him there’s no way this day can get any perfect than it already is. 

Buck is, indeed, still asleep and Eddie feels like a creep looking at him from afar, trying to fight the urge to just jump into the sofa, hug him and go back to sleep next to him. Luckily, Chris appears right behind him in no time and smiles at him, almost knowingly. _How does this kid pick up on everything so quickly?_

The both of them are almost done with the pancakes and orange juice when a sleepy Buck appears in the kitchen, still rubbing off sleep from his eyes, in Eddie’s clothes.

“Good morning, sunshine!”, he tells him jokingly, although he can’t wait for the day he can say those exact words and kiss Buck on the lips. 

The other man just smiles and messes up Christopher’s hair, who chuckles and asks Buck how he slept and how he’s feeling, like having him here in the morning is the most natural thing in the world - Eddie feels that way too. 

Time passes by when they start having breakfast, talking about everything and anything, mostly laughing at the way Eddie has burnt a couple of pancakes. This is what happiness feels like, what being a family is supposed to look like, what Eddie has been picturing for months in his head, telling himself it was just a stupid dream that would never come true. The reality is he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself, because him and Buck hadn’t talked about the kiss, about what happened, about what they wanna do about it, but he also wants to let himself believe for just a second that this is what every morning is gonna look like for the rest of his life.

When Chris is done, he goes to the living room to play, asking both men to come along and play with him; Buck, unable to say no, goes with him, looking at Eddie with the softest expression he’s ever seen him make, like almost asking him how is it even possible to tell no to this kid. Right in that moment, Eddie’s phone starts ringing.

“Hey, Bobby, what’s up?”

“Eddie, is Buck with you? He’s not answering his phone”, he asks, sounding a bit worried.

Eddie, already alone in the kitchen, tries to calm him down. “Yeah, yes, he slept at my place and he’s playing with Christopher in the living room. He’s feeling much better and his shoulder is okay”

There’s a faint sound of agreement and then silence. “Everything okay, Cap?”

“Yes, Eddie, yeah. I’m just… Don’t tell him about this, I don’t want him to take this the wrong way, but… Do you think he’s ready? I was convinced he was a couple of weeks ago when I told him he could come back, but now I’m starting to doubt myself. The way he carelessly ran into the building knowing he had to be careful and it was possible to save that girl in a safer way…”

Eddie sighs, “Cap, I… He’s born to be a fire fighter, I know that in my heart and I’m sure none of us have doubts about it. But I worry about him too, about the way he doesn’t see he has to be extra careful with his body now, at least until he’s off the blood thinners. But he’s stubborn, he wouldn’t listen to me or to anybody, and he always puts other people before him, and I’m scared that’s gonna be a real issue for him at some point. So… So I don’t know”

“What don’t you know?”

And that’s not Bobby, that’s Buck’s voice, right behind him. 

Eddie panics, knowing Bucks is indeed going to take this the wrong way. “Uh, Bobby, sorry, I’ll call you later, okay? Yeah, yeah, okay, bye, goodbye”

“Buck, listen”, he says right after hanging up and taking a couple of steps towards Buck.

“No, what the hell was that, Eddie?”, he asks, closing the kitchen door behind him, not wanting Christopher to hear any of their conversation. And those are the little details that make Eddie melt, that make him fall in love with him day after day, the way he always wants to take care of Chris, even when it’s clear that the overheard conversation has hurt him, something that Eddie knows just by looking at this face.

“I’m worried about you, Buck”, he simply says.

“Says the one who’s in a fight club? Probably getting bruises every week and hiding it from people because he knows is not safe?”. And yeah, he’s really angry.

“Don’t do that, Buck, d—”

“Don’t do what?! You’re being selfish, Eddie, you’re the first one who doesn’t take care of himself and now you’re giving me crap for just wanting to have my life back! And conspiring with Bobby behind my back about me not being ready for it”

“No one’s conspiring against you, Buck, don’t be stupid”

“Listen, I’m not your responsibility - hell, I’m no one’s responsibility! And if you have doubts about me not being qualified for my work, then say it to my face, Eddie, that’s the least you can do”

Eddie feels like crying, this is the least thing he wanted to happen. “What the hell are you saying?! I never even implied that. I told Bobby you were born to be a firefighter and I truly mean that, you’re made for this job, Buck. But I’m worried, fuck, I’m so worried one of these days you’re gonna kill yourself on the job. And yes, yeah, you’re right about one thing there, and that’s me being selfish - because it’s not just the world and the team losing a firefighter, it’s not even Christopher losing another parental figure, it’s me losing you! That’s what I wouldn’t be able to handle!”

He’s aware of all the implications, of the weight of his own words and there’s a part of him that would want for those words to disappear, for them not to have left his lips, but he’s also aware this was going to happen at some point, he was gonna let it slip how much he cares, how much he feels - and it almost feels stupid to feel embarrassed for saying those words out loud when they’ve kissed barely twelve hours ago, when they’ve been so close to sleeping next to each other, but the truth is Eddie has no idea how Buck feels, not really.

Eddie stares at Buck, unable to do anything else. He rests his hands on the counter behind him, letting out a loud sigh. The silence is thick between them, not uncomfortable - never uncomfortable, but still tangible, filled with a thousand things unsaid. He bites his bottom lip and relaxes his back. He looks at the ground and just wishes he could do something to ease Buck’s pain, to even take it all away, swallow it himself if it was necessary - he knows he can’t.

“I better go home”, Buck says and Eddie can feel the sadness behind his words. _Home, this is your home._

“You don’t have to, Buck”

“I know, but still”

Eddie doesn’t fight him - hell, he doesn’t have the strength to. He sighs again, looking at the floor, that’s why he doesn’t see Buck approaching him and standing right in front of him. He doesn’t have the time to prepare himself to the way Buck holds his face between his palms and lifts it to make Eddie look at him. His heart skips a beat and there’s no way to calm it when Buck closes the distance between them and leaves a quick but soft kiss on his lips, almost like a little promise. They’re apart the moment he looks up again to a couple of blue eyes filled with something he still doesn’t know how to describe. 

“Don’t worry about me, Eddie”, Buck says softly, still holding his face with his hands. 

Eddie places his hands on Buck’s hips, almost feeling the skin under the thin gray shirt he’s wearing, not wanting the moment to go away just yet. He swallows and stares at Buck’s eyes for a second longer until he presses his forehead again his, closing his eyes and breathing in Buck’s scent, almost afraid of not being able to do so anytime soon - stupid, yeah, he’s gonna see him tomorrow and hopefully the day after that, and the day after that and so on. But there’s something about this little bubble that makes him want to take it all in - it almost feels like their first kiss all over again, even if barely hours have passed since that happened. He wonders if it’s always gonna be like this, if every kiss he hopefully gets to share with Buck is gonna feel like the first and the last one at the same time, leaving him completely breathless.

“But I do worry, I worry so much…”, he says in a whisper, almost embarrassed to admit it out loud.

“I know you do, I worry about you too”

_Worry_. For a moment, Eddie wonders if _worry_ means something else, if it means the same thing for Buck that it does to him. It’s not just _worry_ , _worry_ means more for him, means _I care about you_ , means _I wanna take care of you_ , means _I can’t stop thinking about you_ , means _I love you_. And Buck’s eyes are impossible to read.

He hears Chris in the living room, singing along to something on the tv and that forces him to open his eyes and look at Buck. He’s glad he can’t see himself right now, otherwise he’d feel embarrassed for the way he’s probably looking at him, like he has the power to make Eddie do whatever he wants. 

He bites the inside of his lip and feels Buck’s hands letting go of his face, breaking the contact slowly. He swallows, “Buck, you don’t have to go, I’m serious”

Now’s Buck’s turn to sigh, “Eddie… I’ve overstayed already”, he says, looking at the floor. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, alright?”

Eddie frowns, he can’t help it. Buck doesn’t lift his head, doesn’t look back at him, even though Eddie’s hands are still holding him, still placed on both sides of his body, not ready to let go, not wanting to ever do that - but he has to.

“Okay”, he finally says, letting Buck’s body go, missing the contact the moment his fingers aren’t pressed against his hips. “Tomorrow, yeah”. He doesn’t want to sound disappointed, he really doesn’t want to make a fool of himself more than he probably already has. 

Buck looks at him again, but something’s changed in his eyes; Eddie doesn’t feel confident enough to think it’s the same sadness he’s already feeling thinking he’s not going to see Buck until tomorrow, thinking that maybe then things are different between them - and not in the way he wants them to be. “I’m gonna change and say goodbye to Chris”

Eddie nods but Buck stays in place, inches away from him, in the middle of a kitchen that started feeling like _their_ kitchen months ago, after days and nights of having Buck wearing a stupid apron that looked absolutely adorable on him, making pasta for the three of them, throwing flour at Chris and laughing like he’d never seen his best friend do before. Lost in his thoughts, he almost misses the way Buck lifts his left hand and touches Eddie’s chest, right next to his heart, making him feel his hand even through his red shirt. It’s barely there, but he looks up at Buck and nods, almost not even aware of what he means, but letting Buck know it’s okay - it’s always okay. He lets his fingers linger for a bit more before sighing and disappearing through the door, going to the living room to say goodbye to Chris.

Eddie, alone now, looks up, closes his eyes and swears to himself. _Why can’t you stay. Why._

He stays next to the door of the living room, staring at Buck – already wearing his clothes - and Christopher, saying goodbye to each other like they’re never gonna see each other again. Chris asks him to stay for a bit longer, even looks up at Eddie and pleads _daddy please let him stay_ , but Buck insists he needs to go home and he’ll be back very soon. Chris, just like his father, ends up giving up on making him stay. 

Buck puts on his jacket, crosses the living room and heads to the front door, followed by Eddie just a couple of steps behind. He opens the door and turns around the moment Eddie holds the door with his left hand, letting his head rest on the frame. 

Standing in the cold, with both hands inside the pockets of his jacket, blue eyes staring at him and a light frown on his forehead, Eddie asks himself how is he gonna be able to last without kissing Buck again, if that’s ever going to happen.

“Thank you for letting me stay and for… Well, thank you for everything, really”, Buck says and Eddie can’t help but smile slightly. 

“You have nothing to thank me for, Buck”

Buck lowers his head and looks at the pavement, moving his feet, not taking his hands out of the pockets. He looks up again, staring at Eddie through his eyelashes and shakes his head, almost smiling, “you’re impossible”

Eddie laughs openly and it’s a nice feeling. At the end, of course it’s Buck the one making him feel better and not the other way around. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, yeah?”

Buck nods, still smiling. A few seconds pass by but he doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around to leave, just stays right there, the same way he did back in the kitchen, looking at Eddie like maybe he wants to say something else - Eddie starts hoping he might kiss him again. He doesn’t. “Bye, Eddie”, he says before turning around.

“Bye, Buck”

And he stays there, with his head pressed against the frame, looking at Buck leaving. 

-*-

It’s taken more than hour for Christopher to fall asleep. Too much sugar, too much tv, too much Buck. Eddie is exhausted, but he can’t blame the kid tonight: his own mind is running too, thinking about the last 24 hours, thinking about Buck, about what it all means, about their relationship, where they are at right now. Luckily, after endless stories and a bit of begging, Chris has fallen asleep and Eddie is already in his room, ready to get into bed after a long day. 

The moment he hits the bed, Buck comes to his head - as if he’s ever left his mind in the past hours, even in the past few months. They’ve kissed – twice, even three times if he wants to be specific. It still feels absolutely unbelievable. And while Eddie is happy and excited about what happened, he can’t help but think they haven’t actually talked about it; Buck left, they’re gonna see each other at work tomorrow, how is he supposed to act around him? How is he gonna greet him when he sees him first thing in the morning?

His phone vibrates and it startles him. It must be past midnight. He grabs his phone from the nightstand and checks it.

**Buck (00:23)** _Can I call you?_

Eddie frowns. _Huh?_

**Eddie (00:23)** _What’s wrong?_

_Read._

It’s just a few seconds before his screen lights up again and sees Buck’s pic. He clears his throat and tries to relax before picking up.

“Buck? What’s wrong?”

“Hey, sorry, nothing’s wrong”, Buck says, not in a hurry but also sounding not so calm.

“You okay?”

“Long day”

Eddie sighs. _You don’t say._ “I know, yeah”

And then, silence. He doesn’t want to ask why he’s calling, doesn’t want to make him think he minds - he doesn’t. Hell, listening to his voice tonight is the next best thing after having Buck home. 

“Is Chris asleep?”

Eddie closes his eyes, resting his back against the headboard. He nods, “yeah, it took a while but I think he’s asleep now”

“You sound tired”

Eddie sighs, “you do too, Buck”

And there’s that tension again, the one Eddie just can’t ignore, can’t even tell himself he’s making it up. The tension that tells him Buck has called for a reason, and that reason might just be hearing his voice, might be talking about that kiss, might be telling him that maybe - and just maybe - he’s feeling the same things Eddie has for the past few months. But Buck doesn’t talk, he only breathes heavily into the microphone and Eddie is so tired but can’t hang up, not when he knows Buck is on the other side, not when he can even hear the clocks in his brain, trying to come up with something that would ease the tension between them or completely destroy it by being honest. 

“I…”. The anticipation is killing Eddie, he just needs Buck to say something, anything. “Eddie, we can… We can forget about today…”. Pause. “...if you want”

He sighs loudly so Buck can hear him, so he can’t ignore the desperation in Eddie’s voice, the way that sentence has just killed him, hopefully making him understand he doesn’t want to forget, he can’t, actually. 

“I don’t”. How did that saying go? Something about finding the right words and them being simple. 

Eddie wishes he could see Buck’s face right now. “You don’t?”

Buck sounds insecure, surprised. Really? And he thought he was being obvious. There’s a sudden realization on his mind: he doesn’t want to do this this way, he doesn’t want to have a half conversation with Buck about what happened today between them, he wants to see his face, because there’s something in his stomach right now telling him that there’s no way Buck would sound like that if he wasn’t interested, at least a third of the way Eddie is interested in him, there’s just no way. 

“Of course I don’t. Why would I want to forget the way you kissed the floor and even the kind soul that my son is laughed at you?”. He hopes is not too much, he hopes they can laugh about this.

But there’s silence, and he’s about to go back to being serious when Buck talks. “You’re an asshole”. And he laughs, he can hear the smile that breaks his face and Eddie can’t help but smile too - fuck, he starts laughing at himself, at the both of them, at how ridiculous this situation is but also how damn happy he feels.

“Not the only _thing_ I kissed today”. _Oh._

Eddie blushes and can’t believe he’s feeling these things, can’t believe he’s not actually sixteen years old, because it feels like it. He feels lighter, like he’s not even resting his body on the headboard or the mattress, it’s like he’s flying and it’s so corny that he just laughs and coughs and is almost worried to wake up Christopher just by the uproar he’s feeling in his stomach. 

“You okay there?”, Buck asks, still smiling, Eddie can tell. 

“Now who’s the asshole?”

“No idea what you’re talking about”. And Eddie feels like he won’t ever be able to stop smiling.

Suddenly, tomorrow doesn’t seem so terrifying. 


	2. let's be brave, turn the lights off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? Hello? Anyone still out here? 
> 
> Five whole ass months after the first chapter... Here's the second one *awkward smile*. I'm crap at writing and being constant with it, ugh. But I really hope you like this if you read it. Tell me what you think in the comments, please and thank you x

It’s the first time in years Eddie falls asleep in the morning. He tells himself it’s because he stayed up talking on the phone – when Buck hung up just past 1am – and not because he spent way too much time thinking about the other man.

The moment he sees what time it is, he kicks off the duvet from his body and runs to Christopher’s room, who’s still asleep. “Buddy, hey, come on, I fell asleep, we need to be quick”, he tells him, putting a hand on his shoulder, being as gentle as possible but also trying to speed up an already slow morning. 

They both have a very quick breakfast on Eddie’s car before dropping Christopher to school and _almost_ driving the speed limit to the station, where everybody is already on their duties.

“Eddie!”

He turns around, not even knowing where Bobby’s voice comes from. He spots him in the kitchen, looking down at him. “I’m so sorry Cap, I’ll get ready in a second!”

He almost doesn’t let Bobby respond, already walking towards the lockers to leave his bags, already in uniform, but he answers him anyway, “Hey, no rush, everything okay? Your son okay?”

Eddie almost trips, “Yeah! Yes, yeah, everything okay, slow morning, I’m on it already, thank you!”

He doesn’t even have time to register the situation, to think about B– oh wait, Buck? Where’s Buck? He’s always the first here. He’s seen Bobby, Hen, Chim, even Bosco is here already. The alarm goes off the moment he opens the locker, so he just throws the bag in it and gets ready, getting his jacket and helmet, and running towards the truck while Bobby calls out for everyone to get in. 

Eddie gets in the truck so quickly he doesn’t even realize someone’s already in it until he hears a laugh. He looks up, reaching for a seat, and sees Buck sitting inches away from him, with a warm smile on his face, looking at him with bright blue eyes. Eddie loses balance and almost doesn’t make it to the seat.

Buck laughs again and reaches for his arm, not quite touching him, “Hey, be careful”

Eddie smiles, finally sitting and facing Buck, his knees almost touching. 

“I texted you, I… Where were you?”, he asks, looking up at Eddie but avoiding his stare the moment Eddie looks at him.

“I… Ugh, I fell asleep”. He’s embarrassed, even though it’s Buck we’re talking about. But Eddie feels like he’s a teenager again, seeing his crush after kissing for the first time, still trying to find out how things are after what happened. He shifts on his seat, already hearing the rest of the group around.

“You kept me up”, he manages to say in a low voice, just before Hen joins them, still staring at Buck, waiting for his response.

Buck just looks at him again, almost wearing a shocked expression on his face, wide eyes and slightly raised eyebrows. It’s not until he smiles slowly, the right corner of his lips going up, his characteristic smirk, the one that always makes Eddie blush even if he wasn’t ready to admit it for a long time, that he lets himself smile too, showing his teeth and almost laughing out loud, feeling his chest tight and warm. 

Eddie bites his bottom lip, trying to contain himself and not make everyone else – already inside the truck – notice him, notice them. He’s still looking at Buck when he sees him mouthing the words “No, I didn’t”, to what he just smiles again and shrugs, trying to look as innocent as possible. 

He smiles again, unable to contain it, and puts a hand on his face, cupping his own chin and brushing his beard with his fingers, trying to hide the smile behind his palm. He looks down, to his own boots and sees Buck right foot come closer to his. He just leaves it there, boots not touching but close enough to be aware of the sudden change in his position. Eddie can feel the heat in his cheeks. It’s crazy to think no one in that truck is aware of what’s going on inside him; for a moment he wonders if even Buck himself does.

When he throws his head back, resting it in the seat and closing his eyes, he can still feel Buck’s eyes on him. He lets himself get lost in that feeling, in the way he feels watched by the man he’s falling in love with and how desired and loved that makes him feel, how wanted, and not just in a sexual way, but in every way possible. Those are the thoughts Eddie is more scared of, the ones that he doesn’t usually let himself get lost in – they’re dangerous, he doesn’t know if they’re true, if Buck feels the same, even when his eyes are still on Eddie when he finally opens his. 

-*-

Thankfully for everybody, the call isn’t that bad. No one died and just a few people got slightly injured but didn’t even need to go to the hospital. The team is back at the station in less than three hours.

Everybody is busy doing their own thing by midday. Hen, Chim and Bosco are probably asleep in the bunk beds and Bobby is downstairs with Athena. Eddie sits down on the grey couch upstairs, being grateful for the silence and the calm given his ecstatic morning. 

Not even five minutes later, he sees Buck coming up the stairs with a gentle smile on his face. He walks towards him and slumps down the sofa, right next to Eddie, no inch of distance between their bodies.

Eddie huffs, looking at Buck with a smile and wondering eyes, “I thought you were tired?”

Buck shrugs, still trying to get comfortable in the tiny couch that’s definitely not made for two broad people. Eddie rolls his eyes and laughs, still looking at Buck, who turns his head to him and just… Stares, openly, with a content expression on his face, torn eyes, a gentle smirk. Eddie is suddenly nervous, remembering – not like he has forgotten – he’s kissed Buck’s lips twice just yesterday, he’s embraced him by the waist with trembling hands, he’s felt his stubble in the palm of his hand. 

He clears his throat and gets lost in his phone, resting by his thigh in between the cushions. It’s just then when he sees the message, the one Buck had sent him this morning. 

**_Buck (08:04)_ ** _Hey, where are you?_

Eddie smiles at the message, hiding the phone from Buck even if their thighs are pressed against each other.

**_(12:33)_ ** _I’m sitting right next to you, you idiot_

He feels the vibration of Buck’s phone, hiding in the pocket of his work pants. They’re sitting so close together Buck has to shift to his side – away from Eddie – to be able to get his phone out of his pocket. Eddie knows that’s a thought he’s gonna come back to later on.

He tries not to look to his left, so it’s Buck’s huff and chuckle what lets him know he’s seen the message. He looks at him this time, but just by the corner of his eyes, with a coy smile on his face and the phone still in his hands. Buck looks at him for a second before shaking his head and going back to his phone. 

Eddie’s phone pings. 

**_Buck (12:33)_ ** _I hate you_

Eddie laughs and Buck shifts again. Now their arms are almost pressed against each other as well – it doesn’t help that Buck is so muscly, and Eddie is accidentally reminded of that time Hen looked at them sitting together on that same couch, watching a video on Buck’s phone, and raised her eyebrows, saying, ‘more sofa or less muscles, big boys’. Buck hadn’t heard her, but Eddie had, looking up at her and making a face at her before going back to the video and the way Buck’s laugh made his body tingle, not just for the vibrations of their bodies pressed together but also because of the joy it brought him to hear him laugh.

**_(12:34)_ ** _Oh do you now?_

Eddie stays in the conversation, looking down at the two blue marks that tell him – even if he already knew – that Buck has read the message. Eddie is feeling calm again, even if his body is still completely pressed against Buck’s, even if the conversation between them is about to get flirty, because deep down he knows this is what they’ve been doing for months, this is the Buck he knows, body at arm’s length, flirty banter over the phone or in person. It’s true that something’s changed, that they kissed and they still haven’t talked about it, that what happened yesterday can change things between them – but not everything, hopefully not everything, not the way they touch each other whenever Eddie has to get back home with Christopher and they know they have to say goodbye but don’t know how, not the way they say good morning with a bright smile on their faces when they see each other at the station and there’s always a brief hug, a bump on Eddie’s shoulder, a light kick on his calf. Hopefully that doesn’t change, only improves if Buck wants it to the same way Eddie definitely does. 

He’s so lost in his own thoughts he doesn’t realize Buck has already answered the text.

**_Buck (11:35)_ ** _No_

_I don’t kiss the people I hate_

_at least not anymore_

Eddie blinks, staring at the screen with a frown between his eyebrows. His heart starts beating faster, so quickly and intense he can almost hear the heartbeat in his own ears. He turns to his left and looks at Buck, who’s already looking at him. He looks serious, like he’s not flirting anymore, like he means something else and Eddie’s body stiffens, suddenly aware of the tension in the room, of the way the proximity between their bodies doesn’t let him pretend he’s not nervous again. 

“We need to talk”, Buck says in a quiet voice so only Eddie can hear him.

Eddie is staring at his bright blue eyes, at the way he’s looking back at him and leaving him breathless. He shallows but his throat is still dry, all he can focus on is the way Buck smells and how he’s looking back at him, clearly waiting for something, anything.

Eddie nods, turning serious. He really can’t mess up the best thing in his life since his son, he won’t let himself do that, not this time. He sits up straight, brushing Buck’s arm and already feeling like he wants to throw up. He clears his throat and starts playing with his own hands, not really knowing where to put them and just leaving them on his lap. He’s not ready for this conversation and he’s scared he won’t ever be ready for it. 

“Not right now, though”, Buck says.

Eddie looks up, eyes big. “Oh, oh okay, yeah”. Fuck. This is gonna be harder than expected.

“Hey”, Buck says quietly, placing a hand on Eddie’s back, right under his nape. Somehow, that makes him feel a bit better. “It’s me, Eddie, I don’t… It’s you and me, you know?”, he simply says. 

Buck looks at him like he’s trying to make him understand without really saying what he wants to say, but his eyes look sincere and that’s all Eddie cares about – this, the feeling of home around Buck, this little bubble they’ve managed to create around the two of them and even around Christopher. Buck’s right, it’s them, it’s gonna be okay.

“Yesterday… You know, what happened – I don’t, I don’t want you to think I didn’t mean it or… Or something”.

And it’s just then when Eddie realises Buck sounds… _Nervous_ , just like him. And he remembers the call last night, remembers the kiss in the kitchen, the way Buck held him in the hospital, even closed the distance between them. 

He turns his body slightly to his right, almost facing Buck, unconsciously making the other man drop his hand from his neck, Eddie silently missing the contact. He rests his elbow on the couch and supports his head in his hand, staring at Buck more openly than before. 

“You sound… Nervous”, he simply says.

Buck smiles slightly and looks down for a second before looking back at Eddie again, this time laughing, which only makes Eddie laugh as well. The bubble between them is still there, this feeling of safety isn’t gone and he feels so grateful and lucky for it.

“I mean… Yeah, yes, I guess I’m nervous”

Eddie squints his eyes and instead of thinking about it, he just says it out loud, “Since when do you get nervous?”. It’s nonchalant, he doesn’t even know if he’s ready to actually think about why Buck might be nervous.

“Since I care”

Eddie forgets to breathe, to swallow, to do anything a functioning human being is supposed to. He just stands there looking at Buck with a dry mouth and big eyes, resting his head on his hand but feeling every part of his body trembling. 

Buck smiles at him with that lopsided smile Eddie has seen a million times but knows won’t ever get tired of. His cheeks look pink and he can’t believe he’s doing this to Buck, to the guy who seemed so tough the first time they met. Eddie wants to say something, anything that’s equally as heavy as that confession – because that’s what it is, right? That’s what it feels like at least, a confession. He doesn’t have time to even open his mouth, though.

“Boys!”, Hen shouts from across the kitchen.

They both turned around to look at her, and by the look on her face they must look like they’ve been caught doing something… Well, _something_.

“Someone has to clean that truck and I’m not doing it again, so get your asses down there, come on”, she says with a smile on her face.

Eddie puffs and looks back at Buck, “Privacy? What’s that, huh?”

Buck laughs and puts his hand on Eddie’s thigh for support to get up, “Come on, Diaz, if you behave, I might let you stare at my ass as I take care of the wheels”

And if Eddie blushes, gets up, playfully shoves Buck’s shoulder and they both run down the stairs while laughing like little kids… No one has to know.

-*-

After the truck has been cleaned with a couple of playful fights between them, two minor calls and very much needed shower, Eddie finds himself in the locker room, talking to Carla on his phone.

“And what does Chris want to do?”, he asks Carla with a frown on his face, resting his back on the lockers behind him.

“He’s excited to go, Eddie, but it’s whatever you choose. I told Vanessa I’d call her back after I talked to you”, she says.

Eddie ponders what he should do. He misses Christopher and he was looking forward spending the evening together watching films since he’s also working tomorrow, but he also knows after the tsunami Chris has been wanting to stay at home more than usual, even going to school has been a nightmare some days. He bites his bottom lip and looks up as he hears steps coming towards him: Buck. Buck with wet hair and a blue t-shirt, looking absolutely stunning. The blonde smiles at him but Eddie just stares, worrying his lip. He can see Buck’s frowning when he speaks again.

“Yeah, he can go, but I’ll take him, okay? You wait for me to get home and then I’ll take him to Daniel’s”, he simply says, feeling Buck’s eyes on him.

Carla agrees and says goodbye before hanging up. 

“Chris is having a sleepover?”

Eddie keeps staring at Buck, completely lost in his thoughts, making up his mind about what he’s ready to do and say. He nods, finally. 

Buck smiles kindly, twisting his head to the left, “they grow up so fast huh?”, he says jokingly – even though it’s true and Eddie can’t quite believe how fast time goes by.

Eddie is still staring at him, his back pressed against the lockers as Buck fumbles with his own. Eddie doesn’t say anything for a while, just looks at Buck and thinks thinks thinks – to the point Buck looks back at him and frowns, but with a smile on his face asks him, “What?”

Now or never. “I’m going to get home now and pick up Chris to drive him to his friend’s house. Come with me and then we can go to my place and you can stay the night”

Buck seems to lose words for two seconds that feel like an eternity to Eddie. He blinks and suddenly there’s a smirk on his face, the one that always makes Eddie’s knees tremble. “Stay the night?”, he says playfully.

Eddie blushes – he _blushes_. God, the way his body reacts to anything Buck does or says. “To talk, Buck”, he simply says, turning around and working on his locker, when the reality is he just wants to hide the embarrassment from Buck.

Eddie feels Buck’s body getting closer to him, but not so close he can touch him. He turns his head and finds Buck just inches away from him, “why don’t you come to my place instead? We go pick up Christopher, you pack a couple of things and we go to my place, order some food, talk. I’m always at your place, man, I feel bad”, he says in a rush. But there’s nothing in Buck’s face that denotes him feeling bad about it, he looks nervous but excited, playful – Eddie would even dare to say happy, and there’s nothing he can deny him when he looks like this.

Eddie smiles before answering, “yeah, we’ll go to your place”

The blinding smile that Buck throws his way before touching his shoulder and going back to his locker makes Eddie dizzy until they’re both in the car. At least he remembers how to drive.

-*-

Sometimes Chris hugs Buck in a way Eddie isn’t able to express with words. He hugs him the moment he sees him, smiling at him when Buck offers to get out of the car to help him get in. Eddie watches them from the car, with a big grin on his face and blushed cheeks, asking himself how long he’s taken to realize he was in love with Buck – or at least falling in love with him; it was right there the whole time, not just in the way he feels like a teenager all over again the moment Buck brushes his arm and smiles at him, not even how he wants movie nights at his place to last forever and wake up curled into Buck and never leave that bed. It’s also in the way he takes care of Christopher, how they both seem to glow whenever they’re together and how Eddie never could’ve imagined a better person to be right by his side taking care of Chris since Shannon died. 

Chris hugs Buck once again when they both drop him at Daniel’s house, right after hugging Eddie. “And remember, you tell Vanessa if you need anything, okay? She’ll call me right away and I’ll be here in a minute to pick you up”

Christopher laughs, “yes, daddy” and the way he says it makes Buck laugh as well. They look at each other and start laughing even louder, “what’s up with you two?”, Eddie says, trying to seem serious even though he can feel something building up in his chest, laugh or just love for his two favourite people in the world.

“I’ll miss you too, dad”, Christopher says looking at him, still smiling. 

“I’ll take care of him Chris, don’t worry”, Buck says and winks at him, making Chris giggle. 

Eddie gives up trying to understand what they really mean and why they seem to know exactly what they’re talking about. Maybe he drops it because it makes him so happy they have their own bubble as well, things only the two of them share. He just smiles to himself and reminds Chris once again he should tell Vanessa if he needs anything, to what he just hugs him once again, patting his back and making Buck laugh again. “Okay Superman, have fun”, he says as he gets up from the floor. 

“Have fun, Chris”, Buck says with a huge grin.

“You too!”

That’s the last thing Chris says right before Vanessa says goodbye to them both and she closes the door with the kids inside. Eddie looks at Buck and finds him already looking at him with an amused expression on his face. They both burst out laughing at the innocent implications behind Christopher’s comment.

“On that note…”, Buck starts saying with a shy smile on his face, “let’s go back to my place, yeah?”

The way he asks the question, like he’s unsure of the answer, like he doesn’t know the way Eddie’s heart beats to every single word that ever comes out of his mouth. Maybe that’s it, maybe he really doesn’t. 

He smiles fondly, “yeah, let’s go”, he simply says, turning around and brushing Buck’s shoulder before starting to walk back to the car.

-*-

It’s not until the pizza has arrived Eddie realizes Buck has ordered it without asking him what he wanted. He leaves the two boxes on the table in front of the couch before going to the bathroom and telling Eddie he can grab a piece already if he wants to. When Eddie does so, he sees Buck has ordered his favourite pizza and suddenly he’s aware there’s no turning back, there's absolutely not coming back from the way he feels about the other man. It’s the little things but also the big ones, it’s pepperoni pizza without needing to ask and lying on the floor next to Christopher’s bed when he wakes up from a nightmare about the tsunami. What is it about love that you feel yourself slowing falling for someone but then it feels like you just found out? Was is it about Buck’s love that he feels it’s sudden and also the most familiar thing? 

Buck comes back from the bathroom and Eddie is still staring at the pizza. “Did you not want pepperoni?”, he asks, sitting next to him on the sofa. 

Eddie snaps out of his own thoughts and looks to his side, staring at Buck right in the eyes, “When do I ever not want pepperoni?”, he asks with a smile on his face.

Buck just grins and the air turns warmer, but also suffocating, making Eddie feel like he can’t wait any more time to make things clear between them.

“Buck, we need to talk”

He sighs and avoids Eddie’s stare for a couple of seconds before looking back at him again, this time with something in his eyes Eddie is not sure how to describe, “Yeah, we do”.

Eddie doesn’t know what goes through his mind but, “have you ever been with a guy?”

Buck hesitates, playing with his own hands, looking down at his lap, “I have, yeah. I’ve been with a couple of guys and I was in a relationship with one when I was… 20? Yeah, 20. It didn’t last long, just a few months but… Yeah”

Eddie nods but he’s still processing the information, insecurity and doubts running through every pore of his skin. Eddie himself has never been with a guy, not really, and maybe it means something to Buck that he hasn’t – hell, maybe he doesn’t want to be with someone with no experience, and he couldn’t blame him. He feels 15 again, and not just because of the butterflies.

“Is that… Okay? Are you okay?”, Buck says, gently placing the palm of his left hand on the sofa, right between their bodies.

“Yes! Yeah, of course that’s okay, Buck”. Eddie tells him with sincere eyes, daring to place his hand on top of Buck’s, leaving it there, hoping Buck understands what it means. Maybe not even Eddie’s sure about its meaning.

Buck looks down to their hands and lets out a soft sigh, turning his own hand and grasping Eddie’s, not even looking up at him. Eddie swallows, feeling his own pulse speed up. He’s not ready when Buck starts talking.

“Listen, I– Okay, look I don’t want to mess up things between us. You said you didn’t regret what happened yesterday and…” He stops, smiles and looks up at Eddie before he continues, “and I don’t regret it either, just so you know”.

The last bit makes Eddie feel more at ease, allows him to calm down just a little bit, just so at least he’s able to listen to whatever Buck’s about to say. “But I’m scared what happened and what… Well, what could happen maybe? I don’t know, that it all might ruin us – our friendship but also my relationship with Chris? I don’t want to lose him or lose you, lose both… I just can’t do that, Eds”

Eddie shakes his head, trying to make Buck see that’s never gonna happen – it’s actually Eddie himself, and Chris too, the ones who can’t afford to lose him. He wants to say that, make Buck understand, but somehow he can’t find the right words and his mind gets lost in the thought that maybe, just maybe what Buck is trying to say is that he doesn’t want what Eddie does, he doesn’t want a relationship that would jeopardize their friendship. So Eddie keeps shaking his head until he realizes the confusion in Buck’s face.

“Eddie–”

“Buck–”

They look into each other’s eyes and can’t help but smile. They truly are horrible at this, whatever _this_ is anyway. Buck turns his body slightly, looking more directly at him, with his hand still holding Eddie’s. Right when he’s about to speak, he groans silently but his face gives it away – that, or Eddie knows him too well. 

He places his left hand, the one not in Buck’s, against his right shoulder, over the thin layer of his t-shirt. 

Eddie frowns, “Hey, shouldn’t you change the bandage?”

Buck presses his lips together and shrugs but Eddie cocks his head to the side, wearing a stern expression and Buck laughs, “Yeah, I’ll be here in a minute” he says, starting to get up from the couch slowly.

Eddie stops him with a gentle hand on his thigh; that makes Buck turn his head quickly which clearly is a bad decision since he closes his eyes for more than a second, biting his bottom lip, before looking back at him again. “I… I can help”, Eddie simply says, still pressing his fingers against Buck’s jeans. 

Buck opens his eyes almost comically and Eddie doesn’t understand how he can look surprised anymore, how the past 48 hours haven’t made him understand all the things Eddie would just not do for him, but also would want to do with him, and to him. But he also hasn’t been as honest as Buck has been so far, so Eddie just keeps his eyes locked on Buck’s and offers an unnecessary further explanation, “Can you even take the shirt off by yourself? Don’t be stubborn”.

Buck seems to calm down for a second before visibly swallowing and nodding quickly. Just then, Eddie places the hand that was on Buck’s thigh on his waist, pressing lightly against his ribs, helping him get up from the couch without unnecessarily hurting his shoulder. Maybe there’s no reason for that little contact to stay present the few steps that take them to get to the bathroom, but Eddie feels like a magnet towards Buck, like it’s almost impossible for his fingers not to dance around his ribs, even if there’s a thin t-shirt between his hand and Buck’s body.

They enter the bathroom and Eddie can feel white noise against his ears, almost like there’s no escape, like this is where they are right now and something is gonna happen. Somehow, yesterday felt easier, even if it took every single inch of will power that Eddie had in his body to feel brave enough to close the distance between them in the hospital, even if it felt like everything he was feeling could potentially end or damage what him and Buck have been going on between them almost the moment they met. Maybe it’s the way the lighting in the bathroom is even stronger and whiter than the one at the hospital room, maybe it’s the look on Buck’s eyes, how he seems even lost, not knowing where to put his hands or what to do – even if this is his bathroom, even if this moment shouldn’t be charged with such tension and intensity; it’s just a bandage change, nothing else. _Nothing else_ – and yet it feels like everything has been leading up to this moment. 

_This moment_ , the moment where Eddie slides his right hand down Buck’s stomach, to the hem of his t-shirt and looks up at him with hooded eyes, asking for permission, trying not to get lost in his blue blue blue eyes. Buck nods and Eddie hooks his fingers underneath the shirt, but still not touching his skin, leaving some space he wishes didn’t exist between his hand and Buck’s stomach. He doesn’t stop looking at him as his fingers keep going up with the fabric of his shirt till they clash with Buck’s chest and Eddie doesn’t even mean to touch, even though it happens anyway. Eddie bites his bottom lip and opens his fingers, spreading his palm and touching Buck deliberately, which only causes Buck to hiss the moment he feels the contact – Eddie tells himself that maybe it’s not because his hands are cold.

Buck raises his left arm, the one that’s not injured, and they both manage to get it through the shirt. He’s about to raise his right arm when Eddie stops him, gently touching the space between his neck and the old bandage peaking through his shirt. “Be careful, yeah? Let’s do it slowly, I think this arm has done enough for today”. 

It’s an innocent comment, even sweet if you ask Eddie, but Buck cocks his head and smirks, looking at Eddie with a glint in his eyes he knows perfectly well by now. Eddie presses his lips together but gives in, laughing nervously and shaking his head. “Concentrate, Buckley, come on”.

“Bossy”, Buck says and Eddie just blushes.

They end up taking the collar off first so then Buck doesn’t have to raise his right arm at all. The problem is, Eddie is not ready for the sight in front of him the moment he takes the shirt off completely and leaves it on top of the sink. They’re both standing in the middle of the bathroom and Buck is not wearing a shirt – Eddie can even tell his underwear is black because it’s peaking through his low-waist jeans. And the sight is driving him insane. Buck hasn’t stopped staring at him for minutes and Eddie feels himself getting hotter and hotter, almost sweating. _Get a grip._

He clears his throat before looking down at Buck’s shoulder, “Okay, so let me take this off, yeah?”, he says, not quite touching him yet. He leads him towards the toilet and asks him to sit down, to what Buck obeys without saying a word. 

Eddie crouches down on the floor, resting his knees on the cold bathroom floor and positioning himself in between Buck’s knees, trying to stay calm. He starts taking off the old bandage, cleaning the wound before putting on the new bandage, taking it from the cabinet under the sink. 

He’s used to working under pressure, that’s never been a problem to him – but this is different. He can feel Buck’s eyes on him while he works on the wound. When he looks up to make sure he’s not hurting him, his eyes are already there, staring at him with such intensity Eddie feels he’s about to explode. He tries not to rush, wanting the wound to be clean and for Buck to recover completely as soon as possible – but it’s hard, it’s so hard not to feel the need to drop what he’s doing, grab Buck by his cheeks and kiss him the same way Buck did just yesterday in the middle of the kitchen. 

He patches him up again, pressing the cold tips of his fingers on the sides of the bandage to make sure it’s stuck on Buck’s skin. His fingers start wandering alongside his body, Eddie himself not being quite aware of what he’s actually doing. He touches his right collar bone with his index and middle finger and keeps going until he’s touching his sternum, adding the rest of his fingers and pressing his palm against Buck’s chest. Eddie feels drunk, intoxicated by the way Buck’s skin is so soft and feels so warm under his touch. It’s not until he feels Buck shiver that he snaps out of the moment.

“Sorry”, he says right before taking his hand away and starting to get up.

“No”, Buck suddenly says, putting one hand on Eddie’s hip and looking for his eyes. When Eddie feels brave enough to look back at him and stay in place, Buck takes his right hand and puts it back on his chest, “Touch me”.

Eddie looks at him with big eyes and his eyebrow almost touch his hairline. That expression only lasts a second until he starts feeling Buck’s heartbeat under his touch and it’s just then when he really sees what’s in front of him, when the doubts he had just this morning in the truck suddenly leave him; when he finally understands what Buck had meant earlier, when all those fears he was talking about are also his and how maybe they can make this work. 

He feels a shock of electricity right before they meet halfway in a hungry kiss. 

Eddie locks his hands on both sides of Buck’s neck, his fingers touching the back of his head, clinging to him as much as he can. He feels Buck’s hands on his waist, coming up to his shoulders and back, pressing him against his body too. Eddie opens his mouth and feels Buck closer, even if they haven’t moved an inch, even if they couldn’t be closer if they wanted to. The position makes Eddie’s knees hurt, his thighs trembling between Buck’s strong legs – he doesn’t care, all he can and wants to focus on is this kiss, this moment, the way Buck’s tongue is in his mouth.

This is the most heated kiss they’ve shared and Eddie can’t get enough. He digs his nails on the back of Buck’s head, trying to get impossibly closer to him, not an inch of shame in the way he moans in his mouth and the way Buck keeps pressing his body against him. They keep kissing, lips over lips and tongues tied, hands everywhere they can be – and Eddie feels himself getting hard in his pants. In another situation, he’d feel embarrassed, scared, but right now all he can think about is how many times he’s wished to be exactly where they are right now, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. 

But Buck suddenly stops. Eddie feels his hands on his shoulders, slightly pushing him away, so Eddie pushes back, away from Buck but still in between his legs, with his hands resting on his biceps. 

“Wait, Eddie”, he says in between breaths. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

Buck sighs, “Nothing’s wrong, it’s– Ugh, quite the opposite actually…”, he says, with the tips of his fingers still reaching for Eddie’s t-shirt. He looks torn, almost confused, and Eddie feels a knot in his stomach. “Do you really want this?”, he asks, looking straight into his eyes and Eddie’s not sure his knees are gonna be able to last much longer when Buck whispers, “...Me?” 

Eddie is fucking stupid. 

His hands come up again, holding Buck’s cheeks in his hands, “God, Buck, yes, yes, yes. Of course I want this, and you– Fuck, I want you, of course I do. There’s nothing I want more right now than you, this, everyday. I’m scared too, you’ve been with guys and I h–”

“That’s not important, Eddie”, Buck says, his hands coming up to Eddie’s collar.

“I know, yeah – well, I don’t actually, I don’t know if that’s okay with you because it’s a lot to ask for and it’s not just me, it’s Christopher, and I don’t want you to feel you have to take on more responsibilities because that’s not what – _ugh_ ”, Eddie stops talking, not really knowing how to express himself, and rests his forehead against Buck’s, feeling defeated.

“Hey”, Buck says, resting his palms on both sides of Eddie’s neck, making them look like a mess of arms between them. “Eddie, it’s okay. I–”

“I love you, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say here”, Eddie confesses. He doesn’t know where it comes from, he tends to overthink things before saying them out loud. Not with Buck it seems, not when he’s so close and Eddie knows he needs to be completely honest so Buck doesn’t get away. He feels Buck’s body freeze and is scared for a second, right before looking at his eyes and knowing he made the right choice. “I do, Buck, I do. You’re my best friend but you’re obviously more, and I love you in all those ways. Christopher loves you– God, it’s been years since I’ve seen that kid smile as big as he does when you’re around. And I guess… I guess I’m scared too, scared we’re too much for you and somehow I’m still not enough. And this is new, being with a guy but also being with someone I’m in love with, I only had that with Shannon and I lost her. And Buck I– I can’t lose you, I can’t, _we_ can’t”

It’s not what Eddie expected: telling Buck he’s in love with him in the bathroom while he’s on his knees standing in between his legs, Buck not wearing a shirt and one day after they’ve kissed for the first time. But then again, Eddie didn’t expect to kiss Buck for the first time in a hospital bed right after taking him there – hell, Eddie never expected to fall in love with a guy, yet here he is, here they are. So fuck that.

Eddie can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. His hands travel down Buck’s body until they land on his waist and he feels both of their bodies grow warmer as the seconds go by. 

One heartbeat.

Two.

Three.

Four.

“God Eddie, I love you too”

There’s no time to react to Buck’s words, his lips are on Eddie’s even before he finishes talking. Eddie’s smiling so big it’s almost impossible to kiss him back, and Buck must feel him smiling since he starts laughing and they’re both a mess of teeth and hands between their bodies. 

“Stop laughing, you idiot”, Eddie says, still smiling.

Buck bites his bottom lip between his own, grabbing Eddie by the back of his head and pulling him even closer than before. “Fuck”, Eddie says, almost pressing his nails against Buck’s skin. 

They keep kissing and it’s the most freeing feeling Eddie has ever experienced, being able to grab Buck by his waist and hips, hands roaming over his body. Buck moans in his mouth, a tongue-tied of sounds that makes Eddie feel hotter as the seconds go by. He lets go of his mouth after minutes of kissing, only to rest his lips against Buck’s neck, leaving kisses and sucking on the skin, feeling the other man’s grip tightening on his scalp. It’s intoxicating, the way he smells and grabs his head, breathing heavy and skin growing warmer. Eddie doesn’t want to let go.

But suddenly Buck presses his hands against Eddie’s head and puts him away from his mouth. Eddie lets go of his own hands on Buck’s hips and looks up at him as he gets up from the toilet, mouth open and a possibly visible disappointment written all over his face. Buck looks down at him for a second before adding, “get up here”. So Eddie does, and suddenly there’s not an inch of space between their bodies, Buck putting his palms on both sides of his face, pressing his whole body against him. Eddie can feel his and Buck’s erections in their pants but he doesn’t feel embarrassed, not even scared, fully knowing this is Buck and this is him, and this is them right now and there’s nothing to be scared of – so he grabs Buck by the waist, hugging him all the way around and knocking their chests together, feeling Buck’s warmth all through his own t-shirt. 

Eddie feels him smiling into the kiss and isn’t aware they’re walking until he slightly trips over something, “Buck, we’re gonna fall”, he manages to say between kisses. 

Buck stops kissing him for a second, with one hand playing with the short strands of hair in the back of his head and the other hand on his neck – he gives him an intense look for a couple of seconds and Eddie drinks on the way his eyes look a dark blue he’s never seen before, full of desire. “Oh are we now?”, he says with a smirk. Eddie is not able to process his words nor feel a hard surface pressing against his calves because when he blinks, Buck’s already falling against him, crushing his whole body in what feels like the couch they were sitting just minutes ago. 

“ _Buck!_ ”

But Buck is laughing and pressing his elbows against the couch, on both sides of Eddie’s head, locking his fingers with Eddie’s strands of hair and looking down at him with a huge smile on his face, one Eddie will never get tired of. “You’re a beast”, he says, but there’s so much affection and softness behind his own words that he can’t even believe how much he loves the man on top of him and how long it’s taken them to be exactly where they are. 

“Did you say I’m the best?”, Buck asks with a smirk that lights up his whole face.

Eddie shakes his head, feeling playful.

“No?”, he asks, lowering his eyes to his lips and suddenly dropping his head to Eddie’s neck, “I’m not the best?”. He starts kissing his neck, biting him, sucking on the exposed skin, “Are you sure?”, he keeps asking as Eddie’s intakes of breath keep getting more obvious, as he grabs Buck by the up part of his thighs. “...Sure I’m not the best?”. He moves his head from right to left, slowly marking every single spot. 

Eddie’s hands start travelling up, touching his back and feeling how warm Buck is. He opens his legs as much as the space in the couch lets him and feels Buck positioning better between them. “We can take it as slow as you want, Eds, I’m fine with whatever you want to do”. Eddie feels safe, desired, wanted, love, protected. Buck’s wide frame keeps him warm underneath him and if he’s honest with himself he doesn’t even know how far he wants them to get tonight, all he feels is both of them getting harder and harder in their pants as the seconds go by and most importantly, as Buck’s mouth keeps working on his jaw, neck and collarbones. 

“Just… Keep doing what you’re doing”, Eddie manages to say between breaths. 

“Like I’ve been dying to do since I met you”, Buck says in a low voice that sends spirals to his whole body, right before sucking on his pulse point and making him moan.

Eddie lifts his right leg and uses it to press Buck’s body even closer to him, caressing the back of his thighs with his heel. His hands keep travelling up and down his back as the man on top of him lifts his head and kisses his on the mouth, open and wet and hot in a way Eddie has never experienced before. 

“Fuck, _Evan_ ”

Buck moans, a guttural sound Eddie never thought could be able to experience this close, or even at all. “That turns me on so fucking much”, he says between kisses.

Eddie smiles, not even being able to process the way he’s making Buck feel. His hands come down, playing with the band of Buck’s sweatpants, the tips of his fingers already inside his boxers. Buck lifts his head, locking his eyes with him, and Eddie asks, because he needs to ask, “this okay?”. If the way Buck bites his bottom lip isn’t enough, he nods and brushes his nose with him. 

Eddie hides his hands inside Buck’s boxes, holding his cheeks with both hands and pressing him impossibly closer to his body – and the way Buck responds to that movement is one of the hottest things Eddie’s ever seen: he starts thrusting his body against Eddie’s, causing a friction between them that makes something twist in the pit of Eddie’s stomach. 

Their bodies keep thrusting for what feels like hours but seconds at the same time as Eddie keeps wanting more and more and more. Without overthinking it, he moves his hands up Buck’s body and pushes him by the shoulders, turning them around and causing their bodies to land on the floor – not without Eddie making sure to break Buck’s fall with his hands pressing on his back, worried he might hurt his shoulder. 

Eddie is half expecting a snarky comment from Buck, but the moment they land on top of the carpet and Eddie sits on his lap, Buck’s hands start roaming up his body, touching his abs under the shirt with just the tips of his fingers. He locks his eyes with Eddie’s, silently asking for permission and Eddie just smirks down at him – that’s all Buck needs to lifts up his arms, brushing every inch of Eddie’s skin until he manages to get the t-shirt off of him. Eddie doesn’t know where it lands, doesn’t even care when Buck lifts up his body and hugs his middle with both his arms, prompting Eddie to rest his arms on Buck’s shoulders, placing the palms of his hands on his head. Their bodies are impossibly closer, or so Eddie thinks until Buck lowers his arms and grabs Eddie by the ass, strong and big hands on his cheeks, making his body start thrusting again, rubbing their bodies together and making the friction feel like Eddie’s about to explode soon. 

“Fuck, Buck, fuck, I–”

“Yeah, yes, Eddie”

They don’t know what they’re saying, just panting in each other’s mouths, feeling the way their bodies march together, how Buck’s hands go up and down, touching his ribs, his abs, his ass, every inch that hasn’t been yet explored by his hands. Eddie kisses him like he’s never kissed anyone before, with passion and desire but also with love, with a longing that’s been building up in his body since he met Buck; he opens his mouth and licks, sucks, bites, he does everything he feels he can do to make him feel good, to make Buck not want to stop. 

And then Eddie hears it, “I want to touch you, Eddie, can I touch you?”, Buck asks with a desperation in his voice that makes Eddie’s hips roll even harder on his lap. 

“ _Fuck_ , yes, Buck, fuck” 

Buck’s right hand, still on his ass, makes a swift turn and grabs Eddie’s member. Eddie’s a mess by the time Buck moves his hand and starts working on him, feeling an electricity throughout his whole body, still attached to Buck’s. He thrusts in Buck’s hand, already working on an orgasm that won’t take long.

Eddie gets away from Buck’s lips in a second just to be able to breathe out the words, “I– I want to– Buck, I–”

There’s no time, there’s no need no explain, Eddie’s not even sure there are coherent words that could make him say exactly what he wants to say, so he just lowers his right arm and presses his hand against the front of Buck’s sweatpants, looking up at him as he does so. “Fuck, Eddie, yeah”, Buck manages to breathe against his face.

And Eddie does so, he grabs Buck in his pants and starts working his hand just like the other man is doing to him.

It’s hard to keep on kissing while they’re both working on each other, but they try – hell, Eddie keeps trying to catch Buck’s lips any second they’re not touching, but all he can manage to do is pant in his mouth, feeling Buck’s breath on his face as their hands keep working faster and faster as the seconds go by.

“Buck, Evan, fuck– I’m close”. His eyes are dark, a darker blue than before, a colour Eddie has never seen before but hopes to keep on witnessing.

Buck’s grip loses strength for a second, right before grabbing both their dicks in his hand and jerking them off quicker than before. Eddie lets out a low moan and comes just seconds after, dropping his head on Buck’s shoulder and gently biting the skin with his teeth. Buck’s hand works on them for just a couple of more seconds before Buck comes with an incredibly hot “fuck” leaving his lips. For a second they’re both feeling the orgasm and Eddie knows this is it, this is just the beginning of something – _their_ beginning, even if this whole thing started months and months ago. 

Eddie is still sitting on top of Buck, panting and trying to recover from the orgasm, hands loosely touching Buck’s biceps. The other man is still holding their members in one hand, his back curved and his eyes on Eddie, looking sweaty and absolutely stunning in a way Eddie has never seen him. It’s the post orgasm situation – Eddie tells himself – although he also knows the way his heart is beating is not just because of what Buck just did with his hand.

Eddie smiles, flashing a look to Buck’s exhausted face, “hey”, he simply says, moving his right hand up to Buck’s cheek, gently caressing the skin with his fingers.

Buck chuckles and it sounds like pure disbelief, “hi”, he says with a blinding smile. “Can’t believe we just did that”

Eddie presses his lips together and looks down for a second before looking back at Buck, “was it okay?”. He hates the way his voice sounds once he hears it out loud. The obvious insecurity, how he sounds like a plea, _please tell me you liked it, please._

Buck’s eyebrows shot up to almost his hairline, looking at Eddie like he had just said something that didn’t make any sense. His eyes look down to his right hand, still holding both of them, and then up up Eddie’s eyes. “Isn’t it… Obvious?”. 

Eddie laughs but his eyes stay on Buck’s, “you know what I mean”.

Buck’s touch disappear from their members and suddenly Eddie feels cold. Buck cleans his hand on his own sweats and rests one hand on Eddie’s thigh and the other on his shoulder, fingertips slightly touching the side of his neck. “Eddie, yes, God, it was perfect” he says with such honest eyes the only thing Eddie can do is believe him.

He can stand the new distance from their bodies anymore and crosses the few inches between them, hugging Buck by his shoulders, hissing when their dicks touch again. Buck lets out an approving sound and holds Eddie by the waist.

The silence is comfortable. Eddie feels safe in Buck’s embrace, their sweaty chests clinging to each other and keeping them warm. Eddie feels giddy, delighted, finally letting out a breath he didn’t even know was holding. 

“How was it for you? Did it feel good?”, Buck asks in a whisper, tickling his ear.

Eddie turns his head and starts leaving a trail of kisses from his neck to his mouth, Buck’s laugh healing a scar in his heart. “It was amazing, baby”

Buck opens his eyes and looks at him, “baby?”

Eddie feels a blush on his own cheeks and laughs, embarrassed. 

“Did you just call me baby?”, Buck asks him, laughing, tickling his sides and clearly teasing him.

Eddie hides his face on the place where Buck’s neck meets his shoulders and feels warmer all over. “I did”, he breathes against his skin.

Buck holds him tighter, pressing their chests together. “Good, I want you to keep calling me that”.

Eddie smiles and leaves a kiss on Buck’s shoulder before dropping his head again.

There’s silence for a few more seconds and then a voice filled with love.

“Stay the night. Let’s eat some pizza and go to bed. Stay, Eddie”.

 _Stay the night. T_ hose are the same words Eddie said a few hours ago in the locker room at the station. _Come to my place and you can stay the night._ It was innocent, like all those times they’ve spent the night in the same house. It’s exciting how those same words have a different meaning now, Eddie’s here for that new meaning.

There’s nothing in this world that could prompt him not to accept that proposition, so he just looks at those blue eyes, smiles and… Nods. That’s it. 

-*-

A couple of hours later, when they’re lying in bed and Eddie’s body is turned to Buck’s, his right arm across his chest and his hand playing with his short curls, Buck whispers, “we’re… together, right?”

Eddie’s heart threatens to explode, to just break his chest from the inside, so he breathes and doesn’t wait a second to answer, “Yes, we’re together”.

Buck’s smile is blinding, but when he starts caressing Eddie’s shoulder with his fingertips, there’s insecurity in the way he says, “Christopher, do you think–”

“He loves you? Yes, Evan”

He smiles, “–he’s gonna be okay with this?”

Eddie’s never been good with words, or so he’s told his whole life when he hasn’t been able to find the right ones to say how he was feeling. But there’s something in the way Buck’s eyes keep wavering, moving from the fingers on his shoulder to his eyes, back to his fingers and then to his eyes that makes him understand that until this moment he just hasn’t felt the right feelings.

He repositions himself on top of Buck, grabbing his face between his palms, making him look at him. “Chris adores you, Buck, I haven’t seen that kid this happy in years. And I’m sure he hasn’t seen his dad like this in… Well, actually, I don’t think I’ve ever looked this happy”. Buck’s eyes glow and Eddie _loves him, loves him, loves him_. “So yes, Buck, yes, he’s gonna be so happy you’re gonna spend more time at home, and that you’re gonna keep on making us happy – and hopefully let us make you happy”.

There’s always something behind Buck’s eyes Eddie has failed to understand up until this moment, until this right here, lying in bed and holding him like he’s gonna disappear any second. It’s pain, and fear, and insecurity – all of that hidden underneath the smile, the muscles, the snarky comments, the flirting. Eddie drops his face, leaving a gentle kiss on Buck’s lips before whispering a soft _I love you, we love you_. “I love you too”, he says.

When they turn the light off, Eddie promises himself to be brave enough to love and be loved for whatever time they have ahead of them – brave enough to think of a forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Anything that could calm my writer-anxiety? *puppy eyes*


End file.
